Trailer Trash (Neely Kate Mystery Book 1) Read online

  “Hey! Drinks are fifteen!” Stan protested.

  “Please,” Jed sneered. “It’s watered down and a knockoff at that, poured into a top-shelf bottle. You’re lucky I’m payin’ you at all.”

  Stan glared but didn’t say anything.

  I downed the rest of my whiskey, feeling the burn all the way to my toes, then stood. I rarely drank anymore, and watered down or not, the alcohol was going straight to my head.

  Jed tossed another bill on the counter, this time a twenty. “I take it this will ensure that our visit never happened?”

  “Yeah,” Stan said, sliding it off the counter and stuffing it eagerly into his pocket. “Never saw ya.”

  Jed leaned closer. “I’m counting on your discretion. If I find out—”

  “You won’t! I’ll be quiet.”

  “Good.” Jed put his hand at the small of my back and pushed me toward the door.

  It felt like a choker was tightening around my neck.

  As soon as we left the building, Jed rushed on ahead, moving several steps away from me. I felt my lifeline to my new life—my life with Rose—tighten and threaten to break. Jed was taking it with him.

  How could I have been stupid enough to trust him?

  “Go ahead,” I said as I held my hands wide.

  “Go ahead and what?” he asked with a scowl as he continued to barrel toward his car.

  I stayed in place and called after him. “You know my truth now. One of my dirty little secrets. Just keep on walkin’.”

  He stopped and turned around, looking furious. “What do you want from me, Neely Kate? You want me to condemn you for working here? Seems like you’ve done that enough on your own.”

  “I disgust you, don’t I?” I asked, taking a step closer.

  His face hardened even more. “No.”

  “So you like that I used to be an exotic dancer?” I asked coyly, yet my voice had an insincere edge. “You want me to show you my moves?”

  “Get in the car, Neely Kate.”

  Why, so he could ditch me later? It would be best to save myself a mountain of pain and get this out of the way now.

  “Have you changed your mind about not sleeping with me?” I asked, moving closer with slow steps as I grabbed the skirt of my dress and hiked it up, exposing my upper thighs. I slinked toward him.

  Jed’s eyes dipped to my legs before lifting to my face, his expression unreadable again.

  “Do you want me to give you a lap dance?” I put my hand on his chest and pushed him backward. His butt hit the trunk of his car.

  I expected a reaction out of him, but he just watched me with guarded eyes, his hands on the trunk beneath him.

  My hips started to sway to unheard music as I straddled his leg and began to grind. “I slept with men for money, Jed,” I said in a hard voice. “You didn’t know that when I asked you if you wanted sex in exchange for the gas money to drive me here. I’d understand if you changed your mind.”

  “Neely Kate.” His voice sounded strangled.

  I turned around and lifted my hair from the back of my neck. Reaching back in a practiced move, I spread his legs and began to rub my ass into his crotch. “Do you want to screw me right here in the parking lot?”

  He stood, wrapping his arm around the front of my waist to keep me from losing my balance. “Neely Kate,” he said in a sad voice, “I want you, but not like this.” He spun me around and held me to his chest.

  I tried to pull back, but he held on tight, refusing to let me go.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “That’s not you. It’s in your past.”

  I started to cry. “No. It’s not. It’s right here.”

  “You don’t have to live like that anymore.”

  “But I’ll always be that girl. I’ll always be that eighteen-year-old girl who sold her virginity for two hundred dollars. Slut. Whore. Prostitute.”

  He held me tighter as I sobbed into his chest, seven years of pain and regret drenching his shirt. “It’s my fault my babies died.”

  “No,” he said, burying his face into my hair as he pulled me even closer. “It’s not your fault.”

  “But it is. All those STDs destroyed my insides. And the baby before them . . .” I sobbed even harder. “It was my punishment, only they paid the price. They counted on me to keep them safe, but I killed them.”

  “No, Neely Kate. No.”

  “I deserve every bit of pain this world gives me, but they were innocent. Why did they have to die?”

  He cupped my face and pulled me back to search my eyes. “I don’t know. But you would have made a wonderful mother.”

  I cried harder, loud, embarrassing wails. “How could I be a wonderful mother if I killed them?” I tried to pull away from him. “Let me go!”

  He lowered an arm to my back, continuing to search my face with compassionate eyes. “I’m not letting you go, Neely Kate.”

  “Why?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “See?” I demanded, through heavy sobs. “I’m worthless. I can’t even take care of babies so small they were the size of lima beans.” I tried to jerk away again, but it was a halfhearted attempt. If he let go of me, I’d be lost in my misery forever, yet I didn’t trust him to stay. “Let me go.”

  “No,” he said, the word thick with emotion.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I tried to pull free, but his arms were tight bands around my back, holding me to his chest. I fell into him, crying so hard my face went numb. But he held on.

  “I’m here, Neely Kate,” he said, stroking my hair. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You can’t be worthless, because you mean something to me.”

  Chapter 11

  I didn’t believe him. Not for a minute. He was only saying that to make me stop crying, but I was too distraught to argue.

  I sank into him, sobbing so hard I could hardly catch my breath. My legs went limp, but Jed’s arms were tight around me, holding me up.

  “Let’s go find a room, Neely Kate. Okay?”

  I didn’t answer. I didn’t care. Part of me wanted to disappear right here . . . just evaporate into a wisp of a cloud and be gone forever.

  He led me to the passenger side and gently helped me in, then shut the door.

  He got behind the wheel and started driving. For all I knew, he was heading straight back to Arkansas, not that I blamed him. But I knew if he took me back there, I’d promptly turn around and leave. I couldn’t go directly from the stench of this to the goodness of Rose and the hopefulness I felt with Joe, and that knowledge only made me cry harder.

  But when Jed drove into town, he pulled into the parking lot of a Motel 6 instead of taking the highway south.

  He got out without a word and went inside, but he was back in only a few minutes. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. What did he think of me? What had I done? I’d just disgusted the one person who could possibly help me out of my nightmare.

  He drove to the back of the lot and grabbed my bag as he got out. Seconds later, he opened my car door and squatted next to me.

  “We’re goin’ inside now.”

  I lifted my gaze to stare at him. Preparing myself to face his scorn.

  The worry and concern I saw instead made me reel.

  He gently grabbed my arm and helped me out. We started toward the stairs, but I was exhausted and dizzy from the whiskey. He swooped me up into his arms, carrying me as though I weighed next to nothing. Something inside of me told me to stop him, but I didn’t want to fight. I’d been fighting all my life, and I was so weary of it.

  Maybe it was time to just let things be.

  Maybe it was time to give up.

  After opening the door, he turned on the light. Then he set me down on the king-sized bed as gently as if I were made of porcelain. He tossed my bag onto the dresser on his way into the bathroom, and less than half a minute later he was back, sitting on the bed next to me.

  He grabbed my chin and ge
ntly turned me to face him.

  I stared at his chest, too humiliated to look him in the eyes. He lifted a wet washcloth and tenderly began to wipe my mascara-smeared face.

  I lifted my hand to stop him, still focusing on his shirt. “Jed. Stop. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know,” he said softly as he pulled my hand from his. “When was the last time someone besides Rose took care of you?”

  The thought made me teary again. “Ronnie. After my miscarriage. He tried, but he didn’t understand.”

  “Didn’t understand what?” he asked as he continued wiping my face.

  “He knew I was upset over losing the babies, but he didn’t get why I felt so guilty.”

  “Wasn’t he upset too?”

  “In a way, I guess. I think he was partially relieved, especially when he found out they were twins. Part of me wonders if he really wanted them. I was so eager for it all, it was almost like he got caught up in the wave.” I looked up at him. “Now I wonder if he wanted any of it for himself.”

  “Wanted what?” he asked quietly, but I could see a storm brewing in his eyes.

  “The house. The baby. Our marriage. He wanted those things, but I think I pushed him into them a whole lot sooner than he had planned.” I shrugged. “Maybe I was scared he’d see the real me and run.” I took the rag from him and finished wiping.

  Turned out I’d been right to worry. I’d spent plenty of sleepless nights thinking about it all. Realizing it couldn’t be a coincidence that Ronnie had turned cold and distant right after the doctor told us I was unlikely to get pregnant again because I’d had too many STDs.

  “He must have wanted all of that if he gave in.”

  I shook my head. “I can be . . . insistent.”

  “He was a grown-ass man, capable of saying no,” he said in a rough tone.

  “Maybe.” But I couldn’t help thinking that things might have been different if I hadn’t pushed so hard. In that alternate world, I wouldn’t be trying to get a divorce from a man who’d abandoned me. And I definitely wouldn’t be blubbering to Jed now. I’d made an utter fool of myself tonight. I lowered the washcloth. “I’m sorry for earlier . . . I’m humiliated beyond belief. I shouldn’t have . . .” I paused. “I couldn’t stand to think you thought less of me—”

  “Don’t you ever be ashamed of doing what you needed to do to survive.”

  “Still . . .” My face felt hot. “I’ve made it weird between us. I plan to visit my old trailer park tomorrow. I’m sure I still have friends there. You don’t need to come. I can even stay with them so you can head back and try to work things out with Skeeter.”

  “I’m not leaving you, Neely Kate,” he said in a tone that let me know it wasn’t up for debate.

  “I know you made Rose a promise—”

  “You think I’m staying for Rose?” he asked in disbelief. “Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: I’m here for me.”

  I searched his face for answers. I still couldn’t understand why he was willing to deal with my thousands of pounds of baggage. “Why?”

  “Because you need a friend. I’m your friend.”

  I glanced down, still embarrassed. I wanted to believe him, but Jed didn’t seem like the kind of guy who tolerated weakness, and I’d shown plenty of it tonight. “But you were so angry with me . . .”

  He shook his head and said emphatically, “Not with you, Neely Kate. I was angry at the situation.” He scooted over a few inches. “Look,” he said in frustration. “I could see you were hurt . . . that someone or several someones had hurt you bad. You’ve told me next to nothing, so I don’t know who the people who hurt you are or what they did . . . and then I saw you drowning your sorrows in cheap whiskey, talking to that lowlife you used to work for . . . and it makes me so angry that I can’t fix this for you.” His voice rose and he stopped. “That’s what I do, Neely Kate—I fix Skeeter’s problems—and I’m damn good at it. I’d give anything to fix this for you, but I don’t even know what this is.”

  I still wasn’t sure why he wanted to help me, but I believed that he did.

  Overwhelmed by him—that he had chosen to be here with me, that he genuinely wanted to help despite the many times I’d tried to push him away—I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close. It felt so good to lean on him, but I couldn’t put this on him. I needed to handle the situation myself. “I have to do this on my own.”

  His arms tensed. “Are you going to try to ditch me again?”

  The fact that he wasn’t running gave me the courage to be honest. “No. I like having you here.” I shot him a grin to lighten the mood. “And it’s not so bad having badass backup.”

  His seriousness faded and he looked amused. “You think I’m a badass?”

  I snorted and rolled my eyes, unable to stop my smile from spreading. “Please.”

  “So you’ll keep me around?”

  I plucked at his still-damp T-shirt. “You make a pretty good pillow to cry into.”

  He grinned, looking more relaxed than he had since we’d left Slick Willy’s parking lot. “At least I have a purpose.”

  There was no forgetting what he’d said to me earlier. I’m irredeemable. I lifted my hand to his face and searched his eyes, serious now. “You’re a good man, Jed Carlisle.”

  He snorted and tugged my hand down. “No. I am not a good man. But we’ll exorcise your demons, Neely Kate, and then we’ll bury the bones and light it all on fire. I’ll make sure you’re free of whatever happened here. No more running.”

  I froze. His words hit a little too close to home.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked. “Thirsty? You probably have a headache after crying so hard.”

  I shook my head.

  “Do you want anything?”

  I studied him, worried about how he’d react to my request. “Can I ask you a favor?”

  “Of course.”

  His warm smile gave me the courage to ask. “I’m exhausted, but I’ve had a lot of nightmares lately . . . Will you hold me?”

  He took so long to answer, I was sure he was going to ignore the question. Finally, he said, “I was going to sleep in the chair.”

  I gasped in horror. “In the chair? You paid for the doggone room. If you don’t want to sleep with me, then I’ll sleep in the chair.”

  The glint in his eyes warned me that he was digging in his heels. “Like hell you will.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was trying to prove he was a gentleman or if he really didn’t want to hold me. But part of me really needed him right now, which made the humiliation of begging slightly more bearable. “How about a compromise?” I asked. “You can sit at the head of the bed and hold me. Just for a few minutes. Please. If you’d like, you can move after I fall asleep.”

  His face softened. “Of course.”

  He kicked off his shoes and scooted up on the bed, rearranging the pillows to support his back and head, and stretching his legs straight in front of him. Then he reached out his arms in an invitation.

  I slipped off my jacket and sandals before crawling up the bed and snuggling into his side. I’d intended to curl up beside him, leaving him plenty of room, but my body seemed to react of its own accord. I sank into him, our bodies practically fusing together—my leg curling over his upper thighs, my arm draping across his chest, my hand cupping the back of his neck. His arm curled possessively around me, his hand resting on my hip.

  He felt right, more so than any man ever had. And that scared the spit out of me.

  Jed reached over and turned off the light, but I held on to him, worried he’d change his mind. I realized this made me a literal clingy female—every sane man’s nightmare—but it was too late to turn back now.

  To my surprise, when he sat back against the pillows, he lifted his free hand to my hair and began to slowly stroke, a soothing motion that brought fresh tears to my eyes.

  “I’m not leaving,” he whispered.

  No. Jed wasn’t running. I wasn’t sur
e that was such a good thing, but I was too tired to reason it out. I soon relaxed back into him and started to drift off.

  Tonight, I’d give myself the illusion that I was safe and protected and loved.

  The harsh reality of tomorrow would come soon enough.

  Chapter 12

  I woke up with my legs tangled with Jed’s, splayed halfway across his chest. His body had slid down to a more reclined position, his head propped higher with pillows, but I was still wrapped around him like a monkey to a tree.

  I glanced up at his face, surprised to see his eyes open.

  “No nightmares?” he asked.

  “No. It’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months.”

  He reached up and brushed a strand of hair from my face. “Probably because you were so exhausted.”

  No, more likely it was because of the man still holding me. I’d never felt safer than I did right now in his arms. In fact, I felt safer with Jed than I’d ever felt with anyone. Period.

  Guilt quickly followed that thought. Rose had gone out of her way to make me feel safe and loved, especially after Ronnie left. Shoot, she’d let me move in with her. But deep down I had always known I wasn’t good enough for her. While we’d both been abused as kids, she’d only occasionally dipped off the straight and narrow path. I’d veered off it entirely, getting permanently stained in the process.

  But Jed . . . Jed was more like me. We’d both done things we were ashamed of. And while he might think less of me by the conclusion of our Ardmore trip, I hoped he’d at least understand me. Maybe it was selfish, but I was glad he was here with me.

  I lifted up on my elbow to check the time on the digital clock on the nightstand. “8:50!” I said in dismay. “How could I have slept that long? How long have you been awake?”

  “Not that long.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me up or, at the very least, shove me to the other side of the bed so you could get up?”

  He put his free hand under the back of his head, propping it up. “I told you,” he said. “I haven’t been awake that long. It’s the first time in years that I haven’t had to get up for some purpose. It felt good to sleep in, and you were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you.” His gaze drifted down, and I realized my dress had hiked up on my legs. My butt cheek was hanging out and revealing a hint of my nude-colored panties. They’d been intended for camouflage under my white and blue dress, not seduction.